vulnerability in leadership: its benefits and 4 ways to start being more vulnerable at work

Have you watched Brené Brown’s TED Talk? I feel like everyone has watched it. If you haven’t, it’s an incredible lecture on the importance of forming genuine connections with others. It reminds us that humans are a social and communal species; we rely on close relationships to survive, and how vulnerability is such an integral part of the human experience.

I watch that talk and feel like it validates so many things I believe and practice in my own life. But I also watch that talk, and immediately think, “Isn’t it so funny though that we expect completely different behaviours in the workplace.” 

We’ve manufactured this space to reject many of the behaviours that make us human. Much of traditional workplace leadership behaviours say that leaders should rule with an iron fist. At the turn of the century, respect (or something that looked like respect) was derived from fear. This attitude then transformed into a cool absence - leaders were there to make decisions, not be close with their team. The workplace leader was expected to have confidence, and emotions were kept out of the game.

In reality, vulnerability amongst your team can be a very powerful and even freeing experience for leaders.

I talk a lot about the non-existence of work/life balance. I believe we are one person with one life and how the many facets of ourselves should work in tandem to help us become a more whole and centred being. Now, viewing traditional leadership through this lens, what an immense amount of pressure to put on one person. Once in a leadership role, they completely separate themselves from the group. To hold all their feelings inside and project an image of unyielding perfection.

The truth is that vulnerable leadership fosters loyalty, strengthens bonds between teams, and makes groups more likely to be actively engaged in their work. Also sharing feels good. Being open and honest, and authentic feels good. Not feeling like you have to reject a piece of yourself for half of your day feels good. 

Being or becoming a vulnerable person is not an easy task. Getting comfortable with being vulnerable, especially for men, can be difficult. Vulnerability, sharing and trusting others with your feelings, can be viewed as emasculating or soft. Not everyone was raised with or taught to have vulnerability skills. Some, if not most of us, have to unlearn and relearn the narrative we have been taught about sharing parts of our personal and emotional selves at work. If you’re ready to be more vulnerable at work, here are some simple ways to get started:

Start slow: Find little ways to open the floor for conversation in your team. One of my favourite exercises was devoting time to the question game at my weekly team meeting. This was a simple practice in which a different team member would come to the forum each week with a question for the group. Some were as simple as “what is the first concert you ever went to?” or as complex as “what one sentence you would say to your childhood self if you could?” These are not meant to put pressure on your team but instead be a place to learn more about each other. 

Establish boundaries: Being an open and compassionate boss does not mean being everyone’s best friend. You can share and be connected without oversharing or degrading the lines between you and your team. Be clear in your mind about things you are willing and unwilling to expose about yourself, and re-evaluate these boundaries as you become more comfortable with your vulnerability. 

Schedule open door time: A lot of vulnerability is about making ourselves emotionally and physically available for those we wish to connect with. Schedule some time into your day, every day, as open-door time. This could be just 30-minutes that your team can come and speak with you (this includes being available online if you work remotely) about anything during that time. This signals to your team that you have made and honoured a space specifically for them without assuming they are bothering you. They could come to you and talk about sports, they could come and address something that's going on in their personal life, for a while, they could not utilize the time at all, but at least the option is open when they're ready or need it. 

Share a meal: The team meal, in my opinion, is a wildly undervalued team-building resource. So many cultures and communities rely on breaking bread with others to strengthen connections with their members; why should it be removed from the community of the workplace? Try encouraging team members to join you for lunch as an extension of your open-door time, or plan bi-annual team dinners as a show of thanks for their efforts. I assure you, a little bit of thought goes a long way here.

It’s most important to remember that learning to be vulnerable is a long road. In this process, you might make mistakes sometimes, maybe say or do the wrong thing, but continue to show up, be present and learn as you go. 

When was the last time that you felt like you could be genuinely vulnerable at work? Let us know in the comments below.